Monday, March 15, 2010
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Last Day of the Year
So it took me the entire year to finally get to do what I have always wanted to do. The night before NYE when we had a huge snowstorm I got to watch it with a fucking cute ass boy. Isn't that sad, that's all I ever wanted to do. But it gives me hope that no matter how long it takes, I will always get what I want!!! Even though I already believed that, at least now I have some proff for myself. Buffalo is such a great city to practice for real life and when you move to a new city. Everything you want to do you can accomplish! It's so easy here. You hardly have any competition for things, and everybody knows everyone so I'm sure whatever it is you want to do, someone you know will be able to help you or put you in touch with someone that can. This year I'm going to dive head first into the art scene around Buffalo, and everywhere else, and hopefully also start putting together some of my own... So if you want to do a show let me know! I have the space!
One
Trust me more to come
One
Trust me more to come
Saturday, September 27, 2008
WOAH
Sup, long time no type. I got inspired to post some of my writing so make sure your looking for that in the future. And of course I have a paper due on monday so instead of doing that I am updating my awesome blog!
So lets see, workingg at Dollar Tree is alright I guess, it kind of kills my soul to work there but I need money especially because I'm finally moving out of my house in the suburbs and moving into the west side! It is going to be great. So if anyone knows of any jobs available near that area let me know please.
Upcoming stories for Generation (UB student Magazine) may include some stories I want to work on. One about the art of graffiti and another about the rise of dance parties in Buffalo. Which brings me to my next really exciting thing in life right now.
SUNGLASSES REQUIRED! My future roomates DJ and run the parties the first one was a huge success so the next ones can only get better! OCTOBER 10th is the next one!
Just wanted to update quickly, keep checking back for some fiction and some buffalo stuff.
ONE
So lets see, workingg at Dollar Tree is alright I guess, it kind of kills my soul to work there but I need money especially because I'm finally moving out of my house in the suburbs and moving into the west side! It is going to be great. So if anyone knows of any jobs available near that area let me know please.
Upcoming stories for Generation (UB student Magazine) may include some stories I want to work on. One about the art of graffiti and another about the rise of dance parties in Buffalo. Which brings me to my next really exciting thing in life right now.
SUNGLASSES REQUIRED! My future roomates DJ and run the parties the first one was a huge success so the next ones can only get better! OCTOBER 10th is the next one!
Just wanted to update quickly, keep checking back for some fiction and some buffalo stuff.
ONE
Friday, July 11, 2008
2 MONTHS TWO LONG
Well, I guess I got sort of frustrated with this thing with exams and what not. But after two months hooray I'm back!! A few updates... FINALLY LEFT JIMS STEAK OUT. If your reading this and are considering getting a job there, please don't. And my internship at Hallwalls art gallery is going pretty awesome. It is awesome to be able to see all the wonderful programs that they go on there because I know that I would not have went there if I didn't really have to, but from now on I know that it is totally worth it to start seeing as much art as possible. And there is more than enough to keep my busy in Buffalo, which is so awesome. The exhibit that is up in the gallery now is SEIZED and its really amazing and intriguing and worth the trip downtown to check it out, and it's free which is always a plus. On tuesday night we got some pretty sweet stuff in the cinema and obviously I'll be there as well so.....
New job at Dollar Tree is awesome, who knew working for a corporation could be so great. You get breaks, and lunches, and no one bitches at you for wanting a day off, and I get like every third sunday off and I work awesome hours and make awesome money. And my manager is sweet and I got hired as an assistant manager which is even better. I am getting closer to my dream job haha, well maybe not a lot closer, but closer none the less.
And remember when I have been reading like crazy? This summer I have read (forgive me for not adding the authors im feeling lazy but if you google them I'm sure they won't be hard to find and some are obvious)
God is Dead
Snuff ( New Chuck!!!)
Anthem
A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas
A Million Little Pieces (IT'S NOT ON MY BOOK SHELLF SOMEONE STOLE IT)
All of then were good, I guess I don't feel like much of a book reviewer right now. I will say a few things, Snuff amazed me, Decade was not what I expected but was really good as well, I kind of idolize Klosterman and his writing technique, and everyone needs to get of a million little pieces, I don't care what that guy "lied"about if half of it is true thats amazing,and if it is all a lie it is still a pretty good book. I have about a 60 dollar book order coming from Amazon which is a lot of books since half of them were like three dollars so hooray for maybe some book reviews in the future.
Well wow Rachel why have you been reading so much?
Does Buffalo seem to be going through some changes to anyone else or is it just me. I know about two people right now that hate Buffalo so much, they just bought plane tickets and left for the rest of the summer, only returning in fall because they have to for school. Now I suppose I can understand it is hard to make friends in a new place, especially if you don't really know that many people. And I used to believe that Buffalo really was a friendly place and everyone could make friends or find a scene that you were into. But apparently that isn't true anymore. Perhaps it is just the age my friends are at, but I can't ever find someone who wants to hang out that isn't going to a bar, which I am not old enough for, or going to a bonfire/party, at someone's house in amherst where their parents are home which I am just not into, or maybe to old for. what is so wrong with going out to dinner or watching a movie etc etc. why does everything have to be about drinking all the time? And you know what it isn't even that really. It is the fact that people who I thought were my close friends will just ditch me to go drink in some kids backyard. I don;t see the appeal of that, and I would much rather stay in they city and not travel past my own suburb, which is why I cherish living right next to Buffalo so very much. So because I can't seem to make any new friends because apparently Buffalo is now the city with the most cliques and if you don't have a v neck or ride a fixed gear you have no friends, and because my old friends are off sneaking sips of beer next to bonfires in the woods, or they are just older than me and actually having fun, I'm stuck at home, reading, which isn't so bad I guess. But what is it going to take to make everyone fall in love with Buffalo as much as I have? Most kids come in from the suburbs for the square and then leave, when there is so much to do. And I already know the answer to this, but are people every just going to be fucking nice to each other and say hey maybe they don't look like a crazy ass hipster, but they might be cool anyways. Honestly I hate that I am saying this, but I can not wait to go back to UB and restart my life living in that stupid little city they created on North Campus surrounded by people who hate going downtown unless to drink. At least then I will be able to pick and choose who is worth hanging out with and have some what of a social life hanging out with the kids who think they are artists in my film studies and art history classes. And at least I will be able to see all of my friends who still live at home and live what seems like 1000 miles away but is actually just a 20 min. drive to amherst or GI. Especially with gas prices no one wants to go any where unless they know they are going to have fun ie get drunk. There's no more lets just hang out everything has to be a big production with drama and all that nonsense. I suggest when I move out all of my friends just live with me so we can hang out all the time, or we get scooters 100m/gallon OMG!!!!!!!!!!1111
ONE
PS jamie and john are my heros once again
New job at Dollar Tree is awesome, who knew working for a corporation could be so great. You get breaks, and lunches, and no one bitches at you for wanting a day off, and I get like every third sunday off and I work awesome hours and make awesome money. And my manager is sweet and I got hired as an assistant manager which is even better. I am getting closer to my dream job haha, well maybe not a lot closer, but closer none the less.
And remember when I have been reading like crazy? This summer I have read (forgive me for not adding the authors im feeling lazy but if you google them I'm sure they won't be hard to find and some are obvious)
God is Dead
Snuff ( New Chuck!!!)
Anthem
A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas
A Million Little Pieces (IT'S NOT ON MY BOOK SHELLF SOMEONE STOLE IT)
All of then were good, I guess I don't feel like much of a book reviewer right now. I will say a few things, Snuff amazed me, Decade was not what I expected but was really good as well, I kind of idolize Klosterman and his writing technique, and everyone needs to get of a million little pieces, I don't care what that guy "lied"about if half of it is true thats amazing,and if it is all a lie it is still a pretty good book. I have about a 60 dollar book order coming from Amazon which is a lot of books since half of them were like three dollars so hooray for maybe some book reviews in the future.
Well wow Rachel why have you been reading so much?
Does Buffalo seem to be going through some changes to anyone else or is it just me. I know about two people right now that hate Buffalo so much, they just bought plane tickets and left for the rest of the summer, only returning in fall because they have to for school. Now I suppose I can understand it is hard to make friends in a new place, especially if you don't really know that many people. And I used to believe that Buffalo really was a friendly place and everyone could make friends or find a scene that you were into. But apparently that isn't true anymore. Perhaps it is just the age my friends are at, but I can't ever find someone who wants to hang out that isn't going to a bar, which I am not old enough for, or going to a bonfire/party, at someone's house in amherst where their parents are home which I am just not into, or maybe to old for. what is so wrong with going out to dinner or watching a movie etc etc. why does everything have to be about drinking all the time? And you know what it isn't even that really. It is the fact that people who I thought were my close friends will just ditch me to go drink in some kids backyard. I don;t see the appeal of that, and I would much rather stay in they city and not travel past my own suburb, which is why I cherish living right next to Buffalo so very much. So because I can't seem to make any new friends because apparently Buffalo is now the city with the most cliques and if you don't have a v neck or ride a fixed gear you have no friends, and because my old friends are off sneaking sips of beer next to bonfires in the woods, or they are just older than me and actually having fun, I'm stuck at home, reading, which isn't so bad I guess. But what is it going to take to make everyone fall in love with Buffalo as much as I have? Most kids come in from the suburbs for the square and then leave, when there is so much to do. And I already know the answer to this, but are people every just going to be fucking nice to each other and say hey maybe they don't look like a crazy ass hipster, but they might be cool anyways. Honestly I hate that I am saying this, but I can not wait to go back to UB and restart my life living in that stupid little city they created on North Campus surrounded by people who hate going downtown unless to drink. At least then I will be able to pick and choose who is worth hanging out with and have some what of a social life hanging out with the kids who think they are artists in my film studies and art history classes. And at least I will be able to see all of my friends who still live at home and live what seems like 1000 miles away but is actually just a 20 min. drive to amherst or GI. Especially with gas prices no one wants to go any where unless they know they are going to have fun ie get drunk. There's no more lets just hang out everything has to be a big production with drama and all that nonsense. I suggest when I move out all of my friends just live with me so we can hang out all the time, or we get scooters 100m/gallon OMG!!!!!!!!!!1111
ONE
PS jamie and john are my heros once again
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Buffalo pretty much rocks my socks
So tonight I went to my second Bandits game this season. Not that I know a lot about lacrosse, it's just something to do I guess. I find it so amazing how many fans go to these games and how intense they are. There are special little cheers and chants, and people with BOX signs and crazy orange wigs and horrible dancing by the Bandetts that everyone just seems to put up with.
Tonight was fan appreciation night and apparently we are the best fans in the whole NLL which isn't really surprising. Buffalo puts so much of their energy into competition and cheering for our home teams no matter what sport it is. I can remember last year when the Sabres went to the playoffs and I would always be in my friends apartment on Mainstreet across from University Station and he would hate the days when the Sabres played. There would be yelling and screaming and chanting and car horns going on and on for hours before the game and hours after the games. But maybe it is in our nature as Buffalo citizens to try and cheer for everyone no matter how bad of a job they are doing, Or perhaps it is just nice to make things happy once and while and forget all about our politics and economy, or maybe people think they are helping out our economy by going to these sporting events and cheering on our home teams. But whatever the reason is we are serious about it and we don't stop once the game is over.
While trying to get to the train before it left, people were racing each other to get there and you could hear cheers coming from inside of the train encouraging the fellow passengers to try and make it on the last minute (which I did but some nice young man stopped the door for me).
Then on the train itself there were a couple competitions going on. Next to me there was the cutest little boy and his parents. His dad kept telling him to grab the straps people use to hold on to and try to push himself up. Not soon after, and this is no exaggeration, the ENTIRE train was cheering on this little boy to start flipping around on them, and to keep doing it. Most of the train ride was spent with people yelling from the other side of the train "DO IT AGAIN!!"
In between stops a group of obnoxious boys were running to see if they could make it to the other train in time. After they did this once or twice and finally came back to our train, there was booing and the driver told them that if they didn't stop he would call the police because this wasn't a playground.
And at the Amherst stop a group of boys inside the train egged on a couple of ones outside the train to start fighting. "you won't hit him!!!" the one obnoxious boy yelled and as we pulled away you could see the beginnings of a fight.
But that isn't even where it ends! As everyone was walking up the stairs or using the escalator to get to our parked cars in the University Lot, people started running up the down escalator and everyone around them was cheering them on! One boy who looked like he was going to give up really got the crowd going and he finally made it to the top greeted with half of the station cheering and clapping.
What makes Buffalonians so happy and willing to cheer people on all the time. Is there some way we can use this to help get things moving downtown and on the waterfront or where ever else people need it. And if strangers can be so nice to each other, and really give of the feel of a close community, why is there so much violence in Buffalo? Just last week I was reading in the paper about how a group of elementary kids got in a fight on the bus. When they got off, the parents also started fighting and someone shot a gun towards the school bus. How is that possible. In a community that seems to be doing so much positive improvements and seems to have such a great variety of people that are nice and caring. What is the difference between these people, and how can we get rid of it?
It is really nice to experience an event like this though. It really shows that no matter how bad things get in Buffalo, the community itself won't give up on the city, and some how this city will be great again, even if it is just our sport teams that are great, at least we will have something to keep us from moving and finding better paying jobs, and safer city, right?
And I would also like to comment that it is nice seeing so many people on the train that is hardly ever used. Especially since Earth Day was not to long ago. Maybe if people actually start buying tickets for the train we could make it longer, or use the money for something else needed in Buffalo, but that is another topic all together!
Tonight was fan appreciation night and apparently we are the best fans in the whole NLL which isn't really surprising. Buffalo puts so much of their energy into competition and cheering for our home teams no matter what sport it is. I can remember last year when the Sabres went to the playoffs and I would always be in my friends apartment on Mainstreet across from University Station and he would hate the days when the Sabres played. There would be yelling and screaming and chanting and car horns going on and on for hours before the game and hours after the games. But maybe it is in our nature as Buffalo citizens to try and cheer for everyone no matter how bad of a job they are doing, Or perhaps it is just nice to make things happy once and while and forget all about our politics and economy, or maybe people think they are helping out our economy by going to these sporting events and cheering on our home teams. But whatever the reason is we are serious about it and we don't stop once the game is over.
While trying to get to the train before it left, people were racing each other to get there and you could hear cheers coming from inside of the train encouraging the fellow passengers to try and make it on the last minute (which I did but some nice young man stopped the door for me).
Then on the train itself there were a couple competitions going on. Next to me there was the cutest little boy and his parents. His dad kept telling him to grab the straps people use to hold on to and try to push himself up. Not soon after, and this is no exaggeration, the ENTIRE train was cheering on this little boy to start flipping around on them, and to keep doing it. Most of the train ride was spent with people yelling from the other side of the train "DO IT AGAIN!!"
In between stops a group of obnoxious boys were running to see if they could make it to the other train in time. After they did this once or twice and finally came back to our train, there was booing and the driver told them that if they didn't stop he would call the police because this wasn't a playground.
And at the Amherst stop a group of boys inside the train egged on a couple of ones outside the train to start fighting. "you won't hit him!!!" the one obnoxious boy yelled and as we pulled away you could see the beginnings of a fight.
But that isn't even where it ends! As everyone was walking up the stairs or using the escalator to get to our parked cars in the University Lot, people started running up the down escalator and everyone around them was cheering them on! One boy who looked like he was going to give up really got the crowd going and he finally made it to the top greeted with half of the station cheering and clapping.
What makes Buffalonians so happy and willing to cheer people on all the time. Is there some way we can use this to help get things moving downtown and on the waterfront or where ever else people need it. And if strangers can be so nice to each other, and really give of the feel of a close community, why is there so much violence in Buffalo? Just last week I was reading in the paper about how a group of elementary kids got in a fight on the bus. When they got off, the parents also started fighting and someone shot a gun towards the school bus. How is that possible. In a community that seems to be doing so much positive improvements and seems to have such a great variety of people that are nice and caring. What is the difference between these people, and how can we get rid of it?
It is really nice to experience an event like this though. It really shows that no matter how bad things get in Buffalo, the community itself won't give up on the city, and some how this city will be great again, even if it is just our sport teams that are great, at least we will have something to keep us from moving and finding better paying jobs, and safer city, right?
And I would also like to comment that it is nice seeing so many people on the train that is hardly ever used. Especially since Earth Day was not to long ago. Maybe if people actually start buying tickets for the train we could make it longer, or use the money for something else needed in Buffalo, but that is another topic all together!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
BUFFALO MUSIC SCENE
I know everything already knows what I am going to say. Last night me and a few friends attended the Saosin and Armor for Sleep show at XTREME wheels. Out of all the shows I have been to there (and that is a lot) I have never seen SO MANY PEOPLE there. First I guess we can talk about the bands. They were not as good as I remember them being. Maybe bands new material just doesn't speak to me, or maybe the whole genre of "emo" or "scene" music or whatever just doesn't really do it for me any more. Who knows. What does surprise me though, is that most of the bands I liiiiived for in high school, are still together and still playing the same songs that I felt described my life so well. It is impressive that these bands have not " sold out" especially with the current explosion of this type of music in the main stream. So overall it was fun pushing my way up to the front of the crowd and screaming at the top of my longs to songs that I haven't sung or heard in literally years. On the other hand, what sucked about the show was the crowd. This is just getting ridiculous. Now, I am the first to admit that I went to shows because I loved just hanging out with everyone and all my friends would be there, so of course I would go. But I mean usually the music was the main reason we were all there. And yeah I might look a little better then normal when I go to the show, but by the end of it, I usually look like I rolled out of a dumpster in the middle of a 90 degree day. The whole point of going to shows is to have fun, and listen to the music. Right?! And seriously. I don't care how old you are, because I started going to shows when I was 14 or 15 too, but I never tried to fight with the older kids, I always looked up to the cool older girls that just chilled in the back. They always looked so pretty and awesome. WTF is with these kids today. They think that because they liked this band for a couple weeks and they downloaded the songs up on their myspace,that they are the coolest people in the whole world and they can bitch at everyone and punch and shove everyone out of their way when the band is playing, even if they don't even really like what they are hearing. And doesn't anyone know pit manners, yeah they are real, DONT LET STUPID YOUNG BITCHES START SHOVING PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WANT BOYS TO NOTICE THEM. It is ridiculous the way girls are acting at shows. They put themselves right in the middle of the pit, and yeah, its cool, but then they get all pissed off if a guy accidently pushes them or they fall. What do they think happens in a pit?! I'm glad that these bands are finally getting the attention and the amount of fans they deserve, but seriously, they should be able to be treated with a little more respect then this younger generation is showing, it is kinda embarrassing because technically I am in their generation, but why do they have to act so ridiculous. It sucks that they have to ruin the experience for everyone else that is there. It is impossible to enjoy the music or get up to the front to sing your favorite song, without having someone screaming in your ear, or some getting pissed at you because you know how to get up front and they don't. It's not the venue or the band, its the obnoxious little kids that are going to bring the underground and indie scenes down, but keep the mainstream music industry going. It is pretty sad that these kids have the power to do all that.
Monday, January 28, 2008
2012
So lately, I have been stressing about my future like crazy. I decided that I need to start preparing. So, I made a resume, and applied to some internships and volunteered for some events semi related to my field (even though I don't really have a field yet because I don't really know what I want to do!!) I even tried to get out of my ridiculous job working at Jim's Steak Out. But, so far, no luck. No one wants to hire a full time student, and even if they did want to hire them, there couldn't possible be an easy way to work out a work schedule. Why does life need to be so difficult. I need a job to go to college, but it seems like no job will allow me to do both. I got cut to three days a week at Jim's, and then even those hours got cut. So I interviewed for another job, but I didn't get it. The interview went great, and he seemed really impressed with my resume (I work extremely hard at every job I've ever had so he should be) but still no job. Because even though the position was only for three days a week, I couldn't do all the hours because I had class. And of course, there are thousands of people in Buffalo who would have like that job, and don't go to college, so of course he would have no problem replacing me.
It seems like Buffalo and their business owners need to realize what I believe Buffalo is turning into, a college town. Especially with the most popular and well known areas being The Elmwood Strip. Buff State and Canisius are right around the corner, and UB also wants to add more campus to the downtown area. I think that it is time to stop discriminating against college students and let them have some jobs too. Not all of the mare rich and have their parents pay for everything, which I think most people, especially in Buffalo forget. All the time, I see the middle class getting smaller, and the poor and upper class getting bigger. Society is turning into haves, and have nots. I don't know what I can do to get myself ahead of the haves.
I don't see the downside to hiring college kids, most of them are working because they absolutely need the money, so they are obviously going to do a good job. And since they have some college, aren't they already more educated then someone that didn't go to college at all. They aren't trying to live life from shitty job to shitty job. I truly believe that most students want to stick with one job that will treat them well, and leave with a great recommendation for future jobs. It kills me everyday I have to go work at Jims, I really can not do it anymore, so the job hunt continues. And that is only dealing with my issues now.
What about after graduation, all my plans for grad school seem to falling apart, my parents don't live together anymore, making discussing anything with them a problem. And yes I know I don't need them for this, but I am going to need some help at some point. Most of the time I feel so guilty for asking for stuff now, I didn't even want to remind my mom that tuition was due. But things are falling apart even more, my brother and mom just gang up on me, making me only care about getting a new job and getting an apartment, so I can concentrate on my life. But then there goes my plans for college in NYC and my graduation trip to Europe. How am I supposed to save money for all that AND pay for an apartment and all that goes with it, if no one in Buffalo will hire a college student and pay them decent wages.
Seriously, I work so hard at my job, and no one cares, and I know, I know, in the "real world" no one cares if you do a good job blah blah, but at least they get paid living wages and no one cares, and they have unions and can demands raises and working conditions, what they hell do I get? NOTHING!! Why do I kill myself to do a good job at a place that won't even respect me. Is the future really going to have to be like this? I hope not. The funny thing is, a few months ago, none of this mattered to me. Well then my parents were still together. But I was dating a boy that I loved so much, everything I ever wanted in someone he had. And I just accepted the fact that no matter what happened in our future, everything would just work out, and even though it would be hard, it didn't really matter. It scares me so much, I mean, did I think that because I really thought that we could work out our future together, or was I not worried about the future because I was so blinded about how happy I was right at that moment? Was I just blinded by how much I loved him, and nothing else mattered? Who knows. Maybe I just think that I can't make a huge change in my life alone, maybe I think that I can't do anything alone, or ever be alone, and so when I'm with someone, everything will be ok. But my boyfriend now, just makes me worry about the future even more, because I feel like he doesn't have a very bright one, and I need to make sure that I end up exactly the way I want, otherwise, what is the point.
Me and my friends used to always say that we wanted the world to end in 2012 just like the Myans predict, but do we really want that? I'll hopefully just be finishing up grad school by then, and just beginning my life. There is no way that I will be able to say that I lived my life exactly like I wanted, I have to do things I hate all the time, and I don't ever be able to spend time with the people I want to spend time with. Maybe this is the wake call I needed, 2012 can happen fine, but from this day forward I'm going to do what I want, when I have free time between work and school, wow exciting. At least my classes are better this semester, and I only work THREE DAYS A WEEK. I'll start saving up all my money, and visit Brett in Oregon, and go to NYC grad school, and take that trip after graduation to Europe with Mike. And in the meantime, I'll only spend time with people I love, and I'll never lie to anyone, and if I don't feel like going out and getting trashed because I want to finish a great book, then I'll stay home.
I hope that people will read this, and give college kids a chance at jobs, and finally realize that we aren't going to be here forever and really start doing only the things they love to do, why waste your time on the other things?
One
Rachel
It seems like Buffalo and their business owners need to realize what I believe Buffalo is turning into, a college town. Especially with the most popular and well known areas being The Elmwood Strip. Buff State and Canisius are right around the corner, and UB also wants to add more campus to the downtown area. I think that it is time to stop discriminating against college students and let them have some jobs too. Not all of the mare rich and have their parents pay for everything, which I think most people, especially in Buffalo forget. All the time, I see the middle class getting smaller, and the poor and upper class getting bigger. Society is turning into haves, and have nots. I don't know what I can do to get myself ahead of the haves.
I don't see the downside to hiring college kids, most of them are working because they absolutely need the money, so they are obviously going to do a good job. And since they have some college, aren't they already more educated then someone that didn't go to college at all. They aren't trying to live life from shitty job to shitty job. I truly believe that most students want to stick with one job that will treat them well, and leave with a great recommendation for future jobs. It kills me everyday I have to go work at Jims, I really can not do it anymore, so the job hunt continues. And that is only dealing with my issues now.
What about after graduation, all my plans for grad school seem to falling apart, my parents don't live together anymore, making discussing anything with them a problem. And yes I know I don't need them for this, but I am going to need some help at some point. Most of the time I feel so guilty for asking for stuff now, I didn't even want to remind my mom that tuition was due. But things are falling apart even more, my brother and mom just gang up on me, making me only care about getting a new job and getting an apartment, so I can concentrate on my life. But then there goes my plans for college in NYC and my graduation trip to Europe. How am I supposed to save money for all that AND pay for an apartment and all that goes with it, if no one in Buffalo will hire a college student and pay them decent wages.
Seriously, I work so hard at my job, and no one cares, and I know, I know, in the "real world" no one cares if you do a good job blah blah, but at least they get paid living wages and no one cares, and they have unions and can demands raises and working conditions, what they hell do I get? NOTHING!! Why do I kill myself to do a good job at a place that won't even respect me. Is the future really going to have to be like this? I hope not. The funny thing is, a few months ago, none of this mattered to me. Well then my parents were still together. But I was dating a boy that I loved so much, everything I ever wanted in someone he had. And I just accepted the fact that no matter what happened in our future, everything would just work out, and even though it would be hard, it didn't really matter. It scares me so much, I mean, did I think that because I really thought that we could work out our future together, or was I not worried about the future because I was so blinded about how happy I was right at that moment? Was I just blinded by how much I loved him, and nothing else mattered? Who knows. Maybe I just think that I can't make a huge change in my life alone, maybe I think that I can't do anything alone, or ever be alone, and so when I'm with someone, everything will be ok. But my boyfriend now, just makes me worry about the future even more, because I feel like he doesn't have a very bright one, and I need to make sure that I end up exactly the way I want, otherwise, what is the point.
Me and my friends used to always say that we wanted the world to end in 2012 just like the Myans predict, but do we really want that? I'll hopefully just be finishing up grad school by then, and just beginning my life. There is no way that I will be able to say that I lived my life exactly like I wanted, I have to do things I hate all the time, and I don't ever be able to spend time with the people I want to spend time with. Maybe this is the wake call I needed, 2012 can happen fine, but from this day forward I'm going to do what I want, when I have free time between work and school, wow exciting. At least my classes are better this semester, and I only work THREE DAYS A WEEK. I'll start saving up all my money, and visit Brett in Oregon, and go to NYC grad school, and take that trip after graduation to Europe with Mike. And in the meantime, I'll only spend time with people I love, and I'll never lie to anyone, and if I don't feel like going out and getting trashed because I want to finish a great book, then I'll stay home.
I hope that people will read this, and give college kids a chance at jobs, and finally realize that we aren't going to be here forever and really start doing only the things they love to do, why waste your time on the other things?
One
Rachel
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