2012

So lately, I have been stressing about my future like crazy. I decided that I need to start preparing. So, I made a resume, and applied to some internships and volunteered for some events semi related to my field (even though I don't really have a field yet because I don't really know what I want to do!!) I even tried to get out of my ridiculous job working at Jim's Steak Out. But, so far, no luck. No one wants to hire a full time student, and even if they did want to hire them, there couldn't possible be an easy way to work out a work schedule. Why does life need to be so difficult. I need a job to go to college, but it seems like no job will allow me to do both. I got cut to three days a week at Jim's, and then even those hours got cut. So I interviewed for another job, but I didn't get it. The interview went great, and he seemed really impressed with my resume (I work extremely hard at every job I've ever had so he should be) but still no job. Because even though the position was only for three days a week, I couldn't do all the hours because I had class. And of course, there are thousands of people in Buffalo who would have like that job, and don't go to college, so of course he would have no problem replacing me.
It seems like Buffalo and their business owners need to realize what I believe Buffalo is turning into, a college town. Especially with the most popular and well known areas being The Elmwood Strip. Buff State and Canisius are right around the corner, and UB also wants to add more campus to the downtown area. I think that it is time to stop discriminating against college students and let them have some jobs too. Not all of the mare rich and have their parents pay for everything, which I think most people, especially in Buffalo forget. All the time, I see the middle class getting smaller, and the poor and upper class getting bigger. Society is turning into haves, and have nots. I don't know what I can do to get myself ahead of the haves.
I don't see the downside to hiring college kids, most of them are working because they absolutely need the money, so they are obviously going to do a good job. And since they have some college, aren't they already more educated then someone that didn't go to college at all. They aren't trying to live life from shitty job to shitty job. I truly believe that most students want to stick with one job that will treat them well, and leave with a great recommendation for future jobs. It kills me everyday I have to go work at Jims, I really can not do it anymore, so the job hunt continues. And that is only dealing with my issues now.
What about after graduation, all my plans for grad school seem to falling apart, my parents don't live together anymore, making discussing anything with them a problem. And yes I know I don't need them for this, but I am going to need some help at some point. Most of the time I feel so guilty for asking for stuff now, I didn't even want to remind my mom that tuition was due. But things are falling apart even more, my brother and mom just gang up on me, making me only care about getting a new job and getting an apartment, so I can concentrate on my life. But then there goes my plans for college in NYC and my graduation trip to Europe. How am I supposed to save money for all that AND pay for an apartment and all that goes with it, if no one in Buffalo will hire a college student and pay them decent wages.
Seriously, I work so hard at my job, and no one cares, and I know, I know, in the "real world" no one cares if you do a good job blah blah, but at least they get paid living wages and no one cares, and they have unions and can demands raises and working conditions, what they hell do I get? NOTHING!! Why do I kill myself to do a good job at a place that won't even respect me. Is the future really going to have to be like this? I hope not. The funny thing is, a few months ago, none of this mattered to me. Well then my parents were still together. But I was dating a boy that I loved so much, everything I ever wanted in someone he had. And I just accepted the fact that no matter what happened in our future, everything would just work out, and even though it would be hard, it didn't really matter. It scares me so much, I mean, did I think that because I really thought that we could work out our future together, or was I not worried about the future because I was so blinded about how happy I was right at that moment? Was I just blinded by how much I loved him, and nothing else mattered? Who knows. Maybe I just think that I can't make a huge change in my life alone, maybe I think that I can't do anything alone, or ever be alone, and so when I'm with someone, everything will be ok. But my boyfriend now, just makes me worry about the future even more, because I feel like he doesn't have a very bright one, and I need to make sure that I end up exactly the way I want, otherwise, what is the point.
Me and my friends used to always say that we wanted the world to end in 2012 just like the Myans predict, but do we really want that? I'll hopefully just be finishing up grad school by then, and just beginning my life. There is no way that I will be able to say that I lived my life exactly like I wanted, I have to do things I hate all the time, and I don't ever be able to spend time with the people I want to spend time with. Maybe this is the wake call I needed, 2012 can happen fine, but from this day forward I'm going to do what I want, when I have free time between work and school, wow exciting. At least my classes are better this semester, and I only work THREE DAYS A WEEK. I'll start saving up all my money, and visit Brett in Oregon, and go to NYC grad school, and take that trip after graduation to Europe with Mike. And in the meantime, I'll only spend time with people I love, and I'll never lie to anyone, and if I don't feel like going out and getting trashed because I want to finish a great book, then I'll stay home.
I hope that people will read this, and give college kids a chance at jobs, and finally realize that we aren't going to be here forever and really start doing only the things they love to do, why waste your time on the other things?

One
Rachel