The time is 222

...and I hope you wish comes true
Do you ever listen to a song when your out somewhere and it absolutely describes what your doing at that moment. That happened to me tonight, it happens a lot though. It wasn't that Juliana Theory song, it was just 222 when I started writing this and I have to sing that song everytime I notice its 222 haha. NO, the song was by the Foo Fighters who I do not even like which sucks, but this song was so amazing. Meh I'll find the song someday.
It was also one of those nights where you have homework to do but you just don't care because you just can't bring youself to do it. Well maybe that is just me. I would much rather relax with my friends then spend the night worrying about a four page paper about somethign I do not want to write about. So it is now 240 ( I got distracted from when I first started) and I have yet to start my paper. But I did gain two boys attention when I went to relax which sucks. Why on Earth do people think I am worth talking to. Maybe it is because im Hollywood. But seriously, I only hurt people, and they do not seem to understand that. But at least I understand that now so I can steer them clear. Plus I am totally in love with my boyfriend, but don't tell him that because he is never going to be in love with me and he likes to pretend that I don't exsist most of the time. :sigh: And yes I know what your thinking, "Well then dump him Rachel" but, alas, it is not that simple. But sometimes I wonder if I want a boyfriend so badly because if we start dating now and end up dating until I move, then they will move with me, because I am so scared to move to NYC by myself. Of course it is going to be AMAZING and the single greastest expierence of my life, but at the same time the thought of having to set up a whole new life for myself with no one there is kind of intimidating. On the other side it is half the reason I want to go. It is so easy to find friends here in Buffalo, they are everyone, and everyone is seperated by one degree of seperation (you will hear me say that a lot) so it isn't like you are really making any new friends anyways, because you already knew them in some way.
I have a feeling that it will end up being the same way in NYC. Only because I wrote a paper on it. It kind of just follows you were you go. You tend to stick to the same group and type of people so it is hard to get away and hard to really meet anyone totally different from yourself, which can be a good and bad thing. But tonight I had a sort of breakthrough, I tend to feel like I have those a lot. I want my life to start being about something, going for something. I'm sick of just hating everything I do, I should do something BECAUSE I LIKE IT. For example, I hate going to school, but I have to because of my parents, and on the plus side I will hopefully be able to get into SVA if I can bring myself to do my work and then I will be happy because that is where I really want to be. And I hate driving, and the only reason I drive is to get to work and school, other wise I would ride one of my TWO BEAUTIFUL BIKES everywhere I went. But I have to go to school, and I have to work so I can pay for my car to get to school and so I can have money to blow with my friends and eventually go to Austrialla with my bestest Jamies and then save up for SVA and NYC because I am going to be broooooooooooooooooooke as all hell. So I do more things I hate so I am able to do other things I hate, I know makes perfect sense. On my way to my frist day of my new job that I was so excited about, I almost started sobbing. I do not want to do this, I do not want to drive anymore, I do not want to waste me time selling expensive clothes to spoiled brats. UGH. I don't want to work PERIOD. I want to drink all day and take walks and take pictures and write and thats it, someday I swear I will get paid for that.
The problem is that I do not know how to make people take me seriously, and I seem to have a problem communicating with them what I really want, and what I really need, and how much I hate my life right now. Sure everything seems to be going good, third year of college at UB, new car, new job at Express. To bad I do not want any of it. I want to live in an apartment by myself and pay my bills and just live. Why is it so difficult for people to accept that they do not want to go throught the stress of college so they can go back to college because no one can geta job with a four year degree anymore. Why is it so against society to just work a stupid job that pays the bills for the rest of your life. WHY IS THAT SO HORRIBLE TO OUR PARENTS. I know, I know, they just want the best for us and for us to have what they never had, so fine I'll go to college, but I won't like it.
So after that crazy tangent, I want to bring up something that shocked me yesterday. I went around the news sites to find something about that women that died while being held at an airport. Now when I looked yesterday, it then would have happened the day before, so about 24 hours later, I could not find anything about this lady. I tooke me a good 15 minutes to locate something on the major news websites about her story, and it was under some abscure link that I would not really ever think to look under. It made me so upset and convinces me that the media is trying to cover it up because something that should not have happened took place and it is going to make our government look bad, obviously. What I took from the story is that she was an alcoholic on her way to getting help to save her family who she loved very much. Her picture is so normal looking I would never even think anything like that. Stories report that she began yelling and screaming because she was late for her flight and they would not let her board. Her family believes that it would have been very uncharaciteristic of her to do that, but I think it is beleivable only because she seemed really set on helping her self to help her family and it can be frustrating when things get in the way. Now I do not know if this is true or not, but I am going to assume that she was not drunk or under any other influences at this time. So it does not make sense why she would try to slip her handcuffs from behind her back over her head while she was chained to a bench leading her to accident choke herself to death. I mean no sane person would do that, and no one is suggesting that she had mental problems other than the drinking are they. I mean her family really seems to care about her so if she had some sort of unstable mind set I want to think that they would not let her travel alone. So what really happened. How does a mother of three die in the holding cell at an airport, and how does the media hush it up so quickly, why isn't anyone else asking more questions about this. It could have happened to anyone and for what reason? Is this what homeland security does, are they really going to stop another terrorist attack? Is another terrorist attack even going to occur on a plane, um no, they already did that four times. But what do I know I'm not the president or one of his amazing cabinet members or anything, like the guy who runs FEMA, I mean he does a GREAT job ( note the sarcasm please).
Well it is now 305 and I must start my Shakespeare paper on the monarchy in Shakespeare plays.
until the weekend!!